Guys and women share what is known as the jealousy streak. Whenever there is a sense of competitiveness between you and another guy, jealousy strikes and behaviors turn ugly. This is so common that I could just write out the entire scenario and give you a jealous guy’s reaction verbatim.
Just because a woman is turning her attention away from you doesn’t mean that she is cheating. In fact, most women with enough freedom to have friends, yes male friends, rarely cheat. Those women who end up feeling controlled and manipulated are more likely to cheat.
The antidote to feeling jealous is security. So what if another guy, even if it is really a very good friend of hers, wants her attention in grander ways then he lets on. It becomes a totally moot point if you and your girl have a foundation of trust, honesty, and security not only in your relationship but in yourselves. Jealousy is really not a very attractive behavior.
Developing security starts with being secure with yourself. No matter how hot, attractive, sweet, honest, kind, gentle, or incredible that any woman is, why would you ever want someone to be with you when they don’t really want to be? If she makes the choice, every day, to stay with you and the two of you have a pretty balanced relationship, then you can be quite certain that she is going to make that choice every day that the relationship grows and maintains that balance. Blackmailing her into staying with you, emotionally manipulating her into staying with you, and acting like a jealous fool so that she “knows how much you care” are kind of based on backwards thinking.
Paying lip service to the idea that you only want her around if she wants to be around isn’t enough. Jealousy isn’t likely to disappear because you tell her one thing and hope that it stops her from hanging out around anyone that might be interested. You have to truly believe that you are worthy of a good relationship and that you want a woman, any woman, to wake up every morning and make the choice that she wants to stay in it. When you can get comfortable that security comes from you and not the feelings or lack of feelings that someone else might exhibit, then you have truly reached a new pinnacle of trust.
This is not an easy concept to internalize. In our history when people have either cheated on us or we have witnessed the cheating that has occurred to someone else, we see how easily we can fall victim to the action. If we’ve been cheated on, we’ve been betrayed and victimized. It doesn’t have to be all like that. We can look at the behavior, still maintain that we are secure in ourselves, and forgive the action while still deciding that we don’t want to be with someone who is so willing to lie to us. A lot of guys as well as women have to really focus on developing this aspect of themselves, partly because it goes against so many of the beliefs that we believe are true. If someone really loves us, we tell ourselves, they will never stray. This is not entirely accurate. It is possible for a person to feel deep and genuine love for us and to act against our wishes for a host of reasons. It is not cool, and there is pain, but worrying about it when it isn’t happening creates a relationship built on distrust. And most of us would really have a relationship based entirely on trust.
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Relationship Security Influenced By Perceived Intimacy
A new study examined how unmarried college students associate intimacy with the stability of a relationship.
More specifically, investigators studied relational uncertainty — people’s lack of confidence in their perceptions of relationship involvement.
Researchers evaluated associations between intimacy and relational uncertainty and found that fluctuations in perceptions of relationships are meaningful aspects of non-marital romantic relationships.
Denise Haunani Solomon of Pennsylvania State University and Jennifer A. Theiss of Rutgers University administered a web-based survey to 315 unmarried college students about their relationship weekly for six weeks.
Researchers found that the level of intimacy people perceived within a relationship in any given week significantly predicted perceptions of relational uncertainty and interference from a partner.
The data revealed the highest levels of relational uncertainty when intimacy was low.
“Our results suggest that when intimacy ebbs, doubts about the relationship emerge,” the authors conclude.
“Making emerging adults aware of how romantic associations inevitably pose a threat to a person’s subjective well-being might help them to form more realistic romantic relationship goals.”
Improve Sense of Security in Romantic Relationship
In the course of a romantic relationship, trust and sense of security plays a major role in determining the direction of the relationship. Without the sense of security, a romantic relationship will fall apart as soon as it started. Healthy couples requires a feeling of security in their relationship and if will be very hard for any couples to maintain a relationship if they do not trust each other. Although it is always true to say that if we do nothing wrong, then there is nothing for us to be afraid of. However the phrase may not be always true when it comes to relationship as couples may wrongly interpret the needs of security in their relationship. Different people may have different definition or feeling of trusts in a relationship and therefore it is important for a couple to agree on a certain ground in this matter. While sense of security or trust may take time to form but it will be always easier if we know how to deal with it. Below are 5 areas you can work on to increase the sense of security in your relationship.
- Safe communication.
The first step to security in relationship is to build healthy and save communication. Both you and your partners must feel safe to tell each other what you feel and think in your relationship. You must also be able to listen to, understand and affirm with your partner’s feeling and vice-versa. This means that you and your partner must learn how to identify, label and communicate your feelings effectively across to each other.
- Refrain from Pre-Judgement
In the course of your relationship, there will be times when you do not understand your partner, why he/she acted the way they did and/or why he/she feel certain way that you cannot comprehend. It is important that you stay calm as such feeling is completely normal in a relationship. However when such things happens, you must refrain yourself from pre-judging the event by calling your partner crazy, stupid and etc. This will indirectly break the sense of security that your partner has for you. Instead support their temporary behavior by affirming it and encourage them to let it out on you and at the same time assuring them that it is safe to do so.
- Room for partner to express feeling
In addition to the above, you must also provide the room for your partner to express their feeling freely and safely regardless the situation. Regardless whether, your partner is happy, sad, excited and etc, you must allow them to express it even though you are not feeling the same. Therefore it is important to learn that you cannot forbid, dictate nor criticize your partner’s feeling at any time when your feeling is not in tune with theirs.
- Understanding your partner
Understanding your partner is the best way to improve the sense of security in your relationship. In other word, we must always understand what is our partner’s feeling or view on the subject. Every people have different expectation on sense of security when it comes to relationship due to past experience and therefore it is important for you to realize this fact. In order to have mutual and better understanding on sense of security, you must discuss it with your partner with open heart. Perhaps, the best way to be trusted is to be truthful to yourself and as well as your partner.
- Support each other emotionally
Finally, the most important security factor in a relationship is the ability of the couple in providing emotional support to each other. Learning to read or identifying your partner’s emotional level at any given point of time is the first step to emotional support. The next step is learning to give the appropriate emotional support the moment you detect any emotional changes in your partner. The ability to detect and support your partner’s emotion will make a big difference in your relationship especially when it comes to trust.
The above five steps will help you to improve the sense of security in your relationship. They may look difficult to be practiced but with sheer determination and patience, you can do it with ease as it will becomes easier and easier when you start to see improvement in your relationship.
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