Make My Stubborn Husband Less Bullheaded

Published on by Clyde Mendes

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Do you have a stubborn husband who refuses to listen to any view which contradicts his own? Many people are stubborn in nature and it is quite tough dealing with such people as they like to enforce only their views and opinions on others. Given below are some helpful tips for effectively dealing with a stubborn husband.

It is usually seen that people, especially men, tend to assert their authority by being stubborn. They make their stubborn behavior as a mode of control and dominance. However, to have a happy and a successful marriage, you must know the ways by which you can effectively deal with such stubborn and obstinate husbands.

http://www.ayushveda.com/womens-magazine/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/stubborn.jpgMany of us tend to fight to get our voice heard. However, fights and arguments only lead to sourness in a relationship. If your husband is stubborn, then he probably refuses to hear any other view which is different from his own as he believes he and his views are right.
To get your views heard, you need to be polite yet firm. Don’t hurt your husband’s pride and dignity. On the contrary, start a conversation, listen to his views with an open mind, and then politely make him understand the drawbacks of his view and then bring in your views without being overtly dominant.

You need to understand that to effectively deal with a stubborn husband, you need to ensure you don’t hurt or offend his self esteem. Conversation is the best way to deal with a stubborn husband.

There are times when there are certain important decisions in life which must be made in a sensible way and not through some predefined notions. Thus, you must be firm yet polite and try to make your husband understand your point of view through conversation.


You must try to make your point clear by properly presenting the pros and cons of your opinion. Talking it out is the best way to bring out your opinion in front of your stubborn husband.

 

Do any of the following terms describe your husband; headstrong, pigheaded, set in one’s ways, rigid, self-willed, fixed or stiff-necked?  If this describes your husband and you have been able to deal with his stubborn ways I commend you. However, since you are looking for help regarding how can I make my stubborn husband less bullheaded and improve my marriage, I assume it’s starting to wear you down.

Why are some men so stubborn?
http://images.broadwayworld.com/columnpic/clay1.JPGHere are some reasons why men are stubborn and should help you figure out how I can make my stubborn husband less bullheaded and improve your marriage.

Men tend to use the left side of their brain instead of the right side. The left side is more logical or rational than the right side of the brain where you will find more creativity and sensitivity. The effect of this is that men have a tendency or need to figure things out and be correct. A well known example of this is a man who would rather figure out how to get somewhere on his own vs. asking someone for directions.

Men also tend to have big egos and have been conditioned to understand that their role in the relationship is one of leadership. As such, when a man feels like his role is being undermined he begins to dig his heals in and becomes more stubborn. The reason why the man is being so bullheaded is hard to figure out because he also doesn’t tend to talk that much. This is not a knock against men but just the way it is. It may appear that he is being stubborn when he withdraws or shutdowns but this is just his way of trying to be in control of things.

So what’s the answer to your question of how can how can I make my stubborn husband less bullheaded and improve my marriage?

In a broad sense you need to understand his tendencies and use them as a way to communicate and relate to your husband. Here are some specific ideas which don’t include hitting him on the head with a skillet.

  1. Examine some of the different ways and times the Mr. Stubbornness reared its ugly head and what was the result. Did you play any role in making the situation better or worse?
    Think about some of the times (I hope there are some) when you expected him to dig his heals in but was surprised when it didn’t happen. What was the result and what role did you play in affecting the outcome.
  2. Take the good experiences where your husband was not as stubborn, defensive or argumentative and build on those experiences. Look at the worst examples and figure out a different way to motivate your husband to be more cooperative.
  3. Don’t pre-judge what your husband is going to do or in some instances what he will fail to do before he has a chance to do anything. For example, if you asked him to do xyz and he didn’t do it as quickly or as well as you would have liked him to don’t make sarcastic or negative comments. Statements like “I knew you weren’t going to do xyz anyway, I don’t know why I asked you”.  This will make your husband angry or annoyed and make him more stubborn and bullheaded.
  4. Don’t interpret what your husband is saying. Although you may be able to read his mind it’s important to let him get his thoughts out. They may be few and slow in coming out but a sure fire way to make him more stubborn and refuse to communicate is finish his sentences for him. No one likes to be treated this way and in his mind he will say “what’s the point”.
  5. Don’t be afraid to illustrate for your husband how his stubbornness is bothersome to you and therefore is affecting your relationship. This conversation should be non-confrontational but clear so he understands that some compromise needs to take place. For example; a sports analogy would be a basketball player who refuses to pass the ball to teammates. Regardless of the play called he or she decides that they know best and put up a shot every time they touch the ball. The other teammates feel frustrated, angry and will start to distance themselves from the ball hog. Let your husband know that’s what his stubbornness is doing to you, your relationship and if applicable, to your children. This is a picture that he will be reminded of every time he starts to dig his heals in.

 The goal here should be to work on making your relationship healthier. The key to unlock his stubbornness is to make sure you understand some of the underlying reasons for the why he is who he is. This is not to say that you should continue to allow him to always have his way. You will know what issues are really important to you and should not let him dismiss your opinion or concerns.

This is a work in progress with the goal being to get him to start seeing the importance and value of appreciating the strength, wisdom and abilities of others, especially his wife.

 

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