Confidence is one of the top traits that attracts women. In fact, I would put confidence above money and looks. Remember Midori’s post on alpha males? Well, one of the main differences between the alpha male and the average guy is confidence. The alpha male exudes confidence while the average guy gives off an insecure, unsure, or nervous vibe.
A lack of confidence keeps you from attracting more women. But worse than that, many guys are not even trying to meet and pursue girls because they are not confident.
Fortunately, confidence is not a mysterious inborn trait that only a select few have. You can do certain things to increase your confidence and improve your interactions with women. But you will have to put in some hard work and be patient, since change doesn’t happen overnight.
What Makes People Confident?
To answer this question, a good place to look is the entertainment industry. For example, imagine that you are a contestant on “Dancing with the Stars.” However, the producers change the rules for practice time. You are only given 30 minutes to practice with your partner before you go onstage to perform. Would you be confident? Probably not.
The producers of the show give the contestants a lot of time to work on their dance moves and pair them with a professional dancer so they can learn and become better dancers. As a result, by the time they perform, they look confident because they’ve worked really hard and they’ve gotten great coaching.
Here’s my point: confidence is the byproduct of competence. If you are good at something, you will be confident at it.
Once you realize this, then it’s a simple process to think of the things that make you less confident around women and become competent in them.
Fill this blank: If I __________, I would be more confident.
For example, one common thing that guys have problems with is knowing what to say. Many guys are speechless around women. They don’t know what to say to beautiful women.
Well, there are many resources out there to help you. Do some research and find some tips that fit your personality. You might find some pickup lines, questions to ask, stories to tell, or other things to say to create interesting conversations.
Next, memorize those things so you won’t be caught speechless. You can even practice in the mirror to improve your delivery.
Then, start applying what you learned in social situations. At this point, it helps a lot to think of your interactions with girls as a learning experiences, as practice sessions. Don’t see them as high pressure events. There’s no pressure because you’re seeking to improve. Have fun.
During this process, continually evaluate your results. Some lines will work better than others. Stick with those and discard the rest. Of course, feel free to keep doing research to find new techniques and lines to try.
Over time, if you do these steps, you will become skilled at conversing with women and your confidence will increase.
Build Confidence in Any Area
You can become competent in just about anything so start working on areas in your life that keep you from being more confident. The key is to have a learning mindset and then put in the effort to improve yourself.
Here are some common things that you may need to work on to increase your confidence:
Dealing with nervousness
Transforming into an alpha male
Find good resources to deal with the areas where you need help and become competent in them through hard work and practice.
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How To Talk So Men Will Listen
Do You Freeze Around Women You Really Like?
You’re basically fine with women and have no problem speaking with them – until you come across a woman you’re really interested in.
For some reason you just freeze up. You’re either too nervous to talk to her, you run out of things to say if you do talk to her, or you just make a total fool of yourself every time you try to speak with her. If that sounds familiar, read on!
She’s Really is Just Like Every Other Woman
You probably have many women in your life – friends, co-workers, relatives, neighbors and so forth and when you’re around them, you’re just fine. You can talk to them about almost anything and they think you’re funny, confident, charming and smart because you’re totally relaxed. So, whenever you’re around a woman that you’re interested in, it is up to you to stop treating her like she is any different to all the other women you’re able to speak with so easily.
The only thing that’s different about this woman is that you are interested in her sexually. That’s it. She may be more attractive or otherwise appealing to you personally, but she really isn’t different than any other woman you come across. Even if you don’t think of the other women in your life as sexually desirable, they will usually have a man who does they are. While you can see those women as ‘just another woman,’ her boyfriend or husband saw her as something more special when he met her; just like you feel when you see a woman that you really like.
However, that doesn’t mean you should ‘freeze up’ and freak out over it when you speak to her. It also doesn’t mean that you should start behaving differently toward her in the beginning of your relationship than you would around any other girl that you’re not attracted to. As explained in Dating Power, there’s a big difference between being attracted to a woman and being interested in her. Don’t confuse the two or your mind will trick you into thinking she’s perfect in every way. While it is fine to be 100% attracted to a woman, you should not be 100% interested in her just because of that. If you want her to value your interest in her, you have to make her earn it. Only raise your interest in her from 0% upwards to 100% based on how well she treats you, how cool you think she is, etc. Then you will have the ‘dating power’.
Be Your Best Self…With a Twist
As I said, one of the reasons that many other women like you is because you’re relaxed, confident, easy to talk with, funny and charming. And that’s great if you’re looking for a female friend. But if you want that special woman to look at you as dating material and in a sexual way, you have to get yourself out of the ‘finding a friend’ mindset and start behaving as someone she would want to have sex with. Confidence is essential. You have to initially show her that you aren’t treating her as being any more special than you would any other woman you know. Besides behaving as you normally do with women, with her you do have to be a little cocky and funny, flirt a bit, but definitely avoid fawning all over her like she is some type of perfect, unattainable goddess.
Is It Too Late to Change Her Impression of You?
If you’ve been too tongue-tied to talk to her or you’ve been falling all over yourself when around her, is it too late to change her opinion of you from a fool to someone cool? Not necessarily.
If You’ve Previously Been Too Nice, Silly, Boring or Polite
Exhibit a more mature sense of humor – Women love men who are cocky, cheeky and funny. In short, they like the type of guy who will tease them a bit but not be too juvenile. (Sample conversation)
Ask the girl what her favorite (restaurant, club, etc.) is and if she’d like to go there again. Then say, “Great, thanks! I have a date this week and just wanted to know someplace terrific to take her.” Then, when she looks startled or disappointed, you can say, “Okay, never mind. I’ll take her someplace else. Now, if you’re a good girl and don’t fall all over me, I’ll take you there next week.”
Be honest about what you really think of her – Most women don’t have high self-esteem, especially in regards to their sexual attractiveness to men compared to other women, so you will often have to tell a woman what you really think.
If she is in a sexy dress, don’t lie to her and say, “Wow, that dress really brings out your eyes” or say something friendly like, “You look nice.” Instead, be honest and say, “Wow, you look really sexy in that dress. I like it!”
If You’ve Previously Been Too Nervous/Shy to Talk to Her
There are millions of beautiful women just like her. Do an internet search for beautiful women and you will see in seconds that is she is not the only one. She’s just another woman that you find appealing. Simply be your normal self and show her your charming, funny and confident nature. (Sample conversations)
Walk up to her, with your shoulders back, head held high and a confident attitude and say, “Hey, we keep seeing each other but haven’t spoken because you’re obviously too shy to introduce yourself so I thought I’d come over and say hello. I’m John. What’s your name?”
“You know, you’ve been checking me out for a while now and I just wanted you to know that it’s okay if you want to talk to me. I don’t bite. I’m John. And your name is…?”
Talking in those ways to a woman changes everything. You go from being nothing or ‘just a friend’ to being seen in a sexual way. If you want her to see you as boyfriend material, start behaving that way!